Let's make a deal: this month's problem; You hate to negotiate. Here's how to get your fair share without selling your soul
Author: Shape

The Challenge

To lose your fear of negotiating From landing a fat promotion to bargaining on the price of a new car, getting what you want--no, deserve--is a skill you can learn. You might not win as often as Donald Trump, but that doesn't mean you can't negotiate with the best of them.

The Solutions

* Speak up. Women often don't get what they want for a very simple reason: They don't ask for it, especially when compared to men, studies show. "When a job promotion comes around, the person most often promoted is the one who has been the most verbal in pursuing it, not the one who has necessarily performed well," says Lee Miller, co-author of A Woman's Guide to Successful Negotiating (McGraw-Hill, 2002). So while you're toiling away hoping for recognition, your co-worker is likely laying out his case with the boss. Follow suit. If it's a struggle for you to speak up for yourself, try negotiating on a smaller scale first: Ask for a free wax at the car wash you frequent before tackling a pay raise. Once you experience success, at any level, you'll gain confidence and feel more powerful.

* Look at life as one giant flea market. "Women tend to see situations as decision-making opportunities, not negotiating opportunities," Miller says. It's best not to view any offer--or rejection--as finite; instead, see it as a starting point. Didn't get into business school? Talk to the admissions officer about what you can do to make it happen later, Miller advises. Everything in life--everything--is negotiable.

* Take yourself out of the situation. Negotiate for yourself as you would for someone else. Consider this: Would you ever accept half-decent health care for your mother or a lemon car for your best friend? Most likely not. So, just as you would for someone you care about, map out a game plan for yourself beforehand. Create a list of why you deserve a better benefits package or a lower monthly rent. Armed with this information, haggle fearlessly for someone who really deserves it--you!

* Don't show your cards. "Once the other person senses you will not walk away from a deal, you lose your bargaining power," Miller says. "Everything--a job, a boyfriend, a house, a car--is replaceable." If the car dealership absolutely won't negotiate on its price and you're still over your budget, move on. Chances are good you'll find another set of wheels, but more often than not, the dealership will come closer to your terms once they see that they're expendable in your eyes.

A promotion usually goes to the person who pursued it hardest--not to the most qualified.

The Payoff

Sticking up for yourself and closing a deal to your satisfaction do more than just fatten your wallet; they also boost your self-esteem and raise your standing in the eyes of those with whom you negotiate. More money, more confidence and more prestige? Now, that's worth bargaining for.

1-minute shapeoversbefore                                 after** You accept a so-so job offer        ** You counter with a higherbecause, well, it's an offer.          number, figuring that you'll be                                       satisfied when you agree at a                                       midpoint.** You begrudgingly agree to attend a  ** You agree to send a lovelydistant cousin's wedding (and suck up  present or split the travel coststhe costs) to please your parents.     with Mom and Dad.** You always meet your friend for     ** You check restaurant reviewsdinner at her favorite restaurant on   online (try citysearch.com) for aher side of town.                      chic, new spot halfway and                                       suggest catching up there for a                                       change.

Allison Winn Scotch is a New York City-based freelance writer who has learned how to drive a hard bargain.

COPYRIGHT 2005 Weider Publications
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